One Foot on a Banana Peel

It’s no secret that I need to lose weight.  It’s also no secret that I stink at losing weight.  In light of that, I read every article and book I get my hands on.  I need all the information, motivation, encouragement, pep-talking and butt-kicking I can get.  The sad thing is I rarely learn something new.  I know this stuff.  I could probably write my own book about dieting do’s and don’t’s.  It’s the physical application of the knowledge that trips me up.  Basically, when it comes to changing my habits I am L - A - Z - Y.

See, now that right there was a big no-no.  One who is trying to lose weight must never ever mutter disparaging remarks about oneself.  Negativity becomes self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you want to lose weight, you must only think cute little happy, fluffy thoughts.  Envision yourself thin.  Imagine how good it will feel to be in great shape.  Think of all the extra energy you will have.  Blah, blah, blah.  Yeah, right.  That might be the secret to success, but ever dieter I know has perfected beating themselves up to the level of an olympic sport.

Getting back to reading all the advice…I was reading Redbook magazine this morning.  They are following the progress of three women as they try to lose weight and get in shape.  I like to read things like that because somehow I feel better knowing that someone else can’t stick to a diet, either.  Plus, they do often have handy little tips for coping.  This month there’s a little piece on nixing that negative self-talk.  The one that got me thinking was the advice to replace ‘I cheated’ with ‘I chose.’  It says that The word "cheating" implies that you’re an untrustworthy person who’s broken a potentially unrealistic diet rule (such as, "No dessert until I’ve lost 20 pounds").  Instead, take responsibility for your behavior - say "I choose to eat that piece of cake."  Doing so puts you back in the driver’s seat and empowers you to make decisions in the future based on what makes sense for you in the moment - not on what some too strict diet dictates.

R-iiiiiiiiiiight.  Like me being in control of my diet decisions is a good thing.  Look how great a job I’ve done with it so far.  More depressing yet, is that this thinking could apply to all of life.  Everything in my life is at least roughly affected by my choices.  Even doing nothing is a choice.  Good grief!  How depressing.  This is not good.  Depressing makes me want to eat from the bad, evil (but oh, so yummy) food groups of carbs and fats.  What’s a girl to do?  I want chips!  I want chocolate!

But I choose (rather unhappily) to ask….

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE PASS THE FREAKIN’ YOGURT AND CELERY STICKS.

*And yes, today is day one of getting really, really serious about this.  Again.